The List.

So, here's the deal...

This is my maiden blog. Lets see if you fools think I am half as funny as I think I am.

You know when you think something or someone is REALLY important, but youre kinda the only one who thinks it is? Well, that how I feel about me my life. I feel like I am already a celebrity and I'm ALREADY a house-hold name, and now, I'm just waiting on my late night "Chelsea Lately" style talk show. I mean, it wouldnt be EXACTLY like Ms. Handler's show. No one likes imposters,(I'm lookin' at you, "The Talk"), but, I feel like I have interesting things to say and to contribute to society...or at least make you laugh or go all, "ohmygaaawd, he's soooo right!".

So, without any farther ado ...my shameless vehical out of obscurity: my blog.

The first thing I'd like to talk to you children about is what i refer to as "My List". This list is just a running memo i keep on my BlackBerry that consists of:

Things that make me uncomfortable.

Things I dont like.

Things I won't do.

Things people need to know about me.


Here are a few tasty morsels from my ever growing list:

1.) I dont want to be in the same room with an octopus. EVER.

They gross me out. Slimy. Squishy. NO. I think my phobia concerning them has something to do with the tentacles. There are too many of them. One is too many. I know what you're saying..."No, Grant! Octopi are cool and totes non-threatening!". No. Wrong. I didn't even see the last 13 Pirates Of The Carri-whatever-gag-me, because of the character with the tentacle beard. BUHHHH. Here's the scenario that has happened in my head many, many times. I imagine myself taking a leisurely stroll at some undisclosed aquarium on some undisclosed day, when a SUDDEN EARTHQUAKE causes the tanks in the Octopus Exhibit to shatter and the evil octopi are now on the loose and free bring their bloody/inky fury down on the innocent bystanders who just wanted to see the dolphins, anyway.

2.) I don't want to hold your baby.
Sure, your baby is cute. Of course, your baby is the most perfect baby I have ever seen. ABSOLUTELY, I think your baby will change the world by discovering the secret of teleportation, thus changing the landscape of modern travel. But, I'MA GONNA PASS on holding it/her/him. Why? Because, contrary to what most new parents seem to believe, IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOUR BABY. The issue is, I don't trust myself with more than one bottle of soda at a time, much less do I want to be responsible for the world not receiving the gift of teleportation because I dropped your precious angel baby. Probably on it's/her/his head.

3.) I'm not going to see Avatar. Back off me.
I missed the boat on this one. I didn't see it in the theater, so, what's the point? I keep hearing that the "special effects were incredible", and that it was "so cool in 3D". Two problems with this:
1.) I doubt very much that the effect will be the same on my tv at home
2.) I SEE THE WHOLE WORLD IN 3D, ALREADY.

I don't need to give James Cameron my hard-earned $11.50 to see "Pocahontas In Space: 3D". I still haven't forgiven him for the shoddy green screen technology in "Titanic".


Well, that's all I have for now. Don't worry, though. As long as I am as neurotic as Roseanne's kid sister Jackie, my list will just keep a'growing.

Bye!