Wednesday, February 9, 2011


Isn't that annoying?

I love Facebook. I love it. Let's be honest with ourselves is the best thing on the internet. What did we do before Mark Zuckerberg birthed(or stole, depending on whether or not you believe that sass on "The Social Network".) Facebook into existence?

Nothing, thats what.

Just bumping into each other in our dark, cold, prehistoric caves. No fire. No wheels. Just...MySpace.

That being said, I faintly remember belonging to that skanky other site once.

For a second.

A site that let anyone and everyone in. No pre-requisites. All one must do to gain membership is be "above the age of 16" and have a working e-mail address. "Yeah, I'm definitely not 13. I'm sooooo at least 16!". PROVE IT. So, naturally said networking site became over-run with middle schoolers and pedofiles. Ask any movie theater or shopping mall manager; those two groups of people can run all the decent, God fearin' folk off and KILL your business.

Bearing in mind that I am in neither one of those demographics, I left the 'Space.

As did many others. We found something better. Somehing more streamlined. Your e-mail address had to end in ".edu" to even sign up. EXCLUSIVITY was the name of the Facebook game back then.

Those were the days.

Now, such is not the case. As more and more people transplanted themselves from one internet neighborhood to another, some of their old habits are still dying hard.

Surveys(20 things you never knew about meeee)
Applications(Mafia Wars)
Ranking system(Top Friends)

Such things will land you in my "Facebook Abuser" drawer.

Facebook Abusers (FA's, for short) are oft' times the people who are still hanging on to their MySpace pasts. They are the ones who are still petitioning to be able to "customize" their page with ridiculous backgrounds and sparkly/flame name graphics. FA's are the ones who's pages take FOREVER to load because they have every horoscope/farmville/mobwars/whatever application downloading on their page.

FA's have no problems posting 782 pictures of themselves and then asking the general public for comments on each one.

"do you like it better in black in white?"
"do you like my sunglasses?"
"new haircut, what do ya guys think?"

FA's use their statuses to mainly annoy me, but to also vomit forth whatever may pass through their mind at the time being. No self-censorship needed. Just type it in and the world will know that you "jus took a showr n it wuz relxing". They will also know about your horrendous grasp on the English language. THANKS FOR THE UPDATE.

Also, FA's are often the first to fall victim to the "copy-paste-status" virus. This is touchy situation, because these statuses are sometimes(rarely) funny, sometimes amusing, and sometimes informational. Many good people are guilty of doing this and justifying it in the name of awareness. Repost this if you know someone who has one eye, re-post if you aren't ashamed of on and so on...I guess I'm in the 67% who "will not repost".

However, it is ABSOLUTELY permissible to copy and paste some very important things. Interesting things you read on, recipe links from Paula Deen, or delightful bloggers(hint, hint). PLEASE repost those things.

If you are guilty of any of these things, that's OK. It doesn't make you a bad person. Just puts you on my list. Snark, snark, snark. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I'm going to go check my Facebook.

1 comment:

  1. I love you! I love facebook, too. I never even knew the "exclusivity" era of which you and "The Social Network" spake. I do, however, believe that the plain, white, clean profile keeps this site alive. I don't want to be assaulted by your favorite song, nor confused by the weird, custom set-up that makes me incapable of reading the buttons. I think if the profiles go custom, facebook will start to die.